Tribal Arm Drill and Shimmy

Just did 10 minutes of arm work and some shimmies. A bit swore and stiff from practice yesterday.

Weight loss photos and first practice since holiday blitz

I've been trying to scan in the weight loss photos to compare myself before and after I started bellydancing. I've lost 12 pounds, one dress size and and 3/4 of an inch from my waist since I started in September. I got a new computer yesterday - much of a change from my old one I got eight years ago.

I assumed that I'd figure things out by now, and I'd be able to scan some old photos, as well as photos I took yesterday on my digital cam. However, I'm still overcomng some beginner's challenges. The only photos I'm able to download at this time is from my cell phone.

Had a 40 minute practice today. Mostly just isolation drills, a few rounds of the routine I learned in my first class, and finally 10 minutes of my zills. I haven't practiced my zills in a very long time - been focusing on getting down the routine with my new costume. My goal was to get used to doing the routine with the costume, altering it to suit the feeling and timeing to the music I like, add the costume, record the video for observation and progress, then add the zills, work on that for a while, then record another practice video.

After almost a week without practice with the steps, I was rusty on both the steps and the zills - VERY RUSTY on the zills since it's been about a month since I've put them on my fingers. I wanted to do more zill work, since I love the sound; but, my shoulders were getting tired after six days wihout practice, so I decided to cut it short, take a warm bath, and see how I feel later or tomorrow.

More Photos and New Year Resolution

I will be posting photos soon from Christmas Eve and Christmas. I got so many things I wanted and needed this year - lots of love and extended family time. Plus, lots of great stuff like Lowa hiking boots, Burton snowboarding pants, and a new computer :)

I haven't practiced since the 20th. I need to make it a New Year's resolution to practice for 30 minutes (60 preferable) at least every other day. And, I will strive to exceed these basic goals.

Chest Isolations

I concentrated on chest isolation work in last night's practice. I'm much better at the the side-to-side, since we learned it in the second class. I feel that I'm able to move my ribcage much further each way, without moving my hips hips at all, and my shoulders only slightly. Plus, it's been doing wonders for my waist - I've lost half an inch since my first class in September. Now, since I've been watching the tribal dvd I mentioned in my last post, I have been trying to isolate my chest outward. This is not easy. However, like the side-to-side, my muscles will begin to stretch and I will be able to train them.

Constructive Comment

I received a very constructive comment on my fourth practice video by Jetsetgirl13:

so you have the basics down .. but the intro was boring.. and you didn't do enough with your arms... try the snake arms, and loosen up! bellydancing is fun!

I'm glad she brought up issues that I was already thinking about, and glad that she noticed what I felt - that my 'basics' were down pretty well. Since it was the first time I improvised the routine, I did not interpret the music as well as I could have - it's just another challenge I put before myself that I am happy to undertake.

The following was my response to her:

thank you for your comment. You bring up important issues. I am happily becoming more comfortable with the basics - thank you. Plus, that was one of the few times I combined moves from each side, in addition to mixing up the routine.

We did not do any snake arms in class, and I am only just learning them now with a tribal dvd called Bellydance and Yoga Conditioning with Ariellah I just purchased. My goal is to get the basics down and practice arms more before I record that incorporation. Once I get more familiar with arm and upper body movements I feel my intro will be more appealing. But again, these past vids have served my intended purpose.

New bellydance practice video

This is the first video I recorded incorporating my right side and side step moves. I felt more fluid except for a couple of changeups.

Dancing in Darkness

After some time away from dancing I decided to approach the old routine in different ways.

After doubling my stretch time to 20 minutes, I began the routine I learned in class with the right hip. I've danced the routine by leading with my right side before, but not often, especially not for my practice videos yet. In class, we learned the routine on the left.

So, my practice session began and continued with my right side for 15 minutes. Then, I started to alter sets from left to right. I enjoyed that, it felt more like I was really dancing. I just need to work on the change-ups a bit more and I'll probably be ready to record another video soon. I would also like to do a new video doing just the routine I learned in class. I'd like to see my progress.

The best part of my practice tonight was when I turned out the lights. I wanted to feel the music - let it take me over, and not focus on technique, counting, mirrors, etc. I love doing this. I feel it helped connect me more to the rhythm. I listened to the drums lead me, like I had give my hand, my trust. I didn't have my costume on, I'll have to try that tomorrow night. I'm anxious to know how it feels and sounds while dancing in the darkness, but I'm a bit too 'grubby' now - and , it's late.

Practice after procrastination

This post will even be short, due to procrastination. Since my birthday and other events that have transpired this week, I have not practiced for more than 20 minutes tonight alone. If I want to take this more seriously, my performance must equal my intent. Therefore, I know I need to schedule more time for dancing, instead of the mentality I had this week: 'I'll do it when I'm done with everything else..' That attitude has only met defeat from sleepiness. I must try to put my dancing above an extra-curricular activity. That is the only attitude I know that got me off of my butt and to the gym 10 years ago. Although I was not obsessed with working out back then, I definitely had more time for it, and always felt better after I did it. I've been feeling great for the past few weeks keeping up with my practice without formal classes and in addition to buying two new dvds. But now I'm getting into the place I am becoming comfortable doing nothing and making excuses for it.

Update since last post - my Birthday!!!

Haven't been online or practicing much at all since last week, due to a cold I avoided, my job, and my birthday ;)
Although my main objective with this blog is to focus on my progress in bellydancing, I can't help but feel compelled to write about my fantastic birthday weekend!

My birthday was Friday. A girlfriend treated me to lunch (tabbouleh and hummus pita wrap) then we got haircuts at a salon ( I have bangs now). Then, a toast of cheap sparkling wine at a local pub. Around 7, my boyfriend came over in jacket and tie (mmmmmm- mmmm... hottie!!!) and many wrapped boxes. One was from his 93-year-old grandma, an entire batch of home-made toffee! Another box contained a hand-made scarf knitted by his mother. This was very special. Since my Grandma died in Aug. of '06, I NEVER thought I'd get a scarf knitted for me again. When he came over to my place, his dad called my phone and his dad, mom and grandma sang me 'Happy Birthday' and told me how much I meant to my boyfriend as well as his family. Then, his sister called (she's in another city)- she's the BEST!!!! If I never knew my boyfriend I know his sister and I would still be friends - we just groove that way ;)

Then it was time for his gifts. He got me an all-season jacket - one I can wear in the spring or on the slopes! We've been talking extensively about camping, hiking, etc. This is for our future, he said.

He also took me to one of THE best restaurants in our city. It was divine! He reserved the best seat in the house, too! I felt like a princess! After dinner, we went back to my place for a special birthday cake he got for me - no cake at all - just two sinful layers of gelato from the best gelatoria in the city. I can't remember he specific Italian names of the two flavors, but they were very much like chocolate chip and chocolate hazelnut - much like the taste of Nutella. Along with the conversation regarding us, the past and our future, he definitely gave me my best birthday!

Oh, and I should have taken a photo of the toffee before I ate it all ;) I have a photo of the cake, but that is on his nikon, not my cam phone ;)

Other fantastic gifts:
Brother: a Large, professional stock pot so I can make soup and chilli for more than 4 without having to ask him to borrow his stock pot ;)
Cousin and family: A crock pot - my first one!!! I love it!! I've already made a hearty potato, carrot, turnip stew and a hearty, fresh tomato sauce for pasta! Crock pots should perhaps be renamed to 'idiot pots'. I know how to cook almost anything, so I've already made soups, stews, casseroles, etc, without the slow-cooker. But, if you don't know how to cook, or don't have any time and are tired of buying pre-made stuff coated with preservatives, a slow cooker/crock pot is your best answer. Even a beginning cook can create an impressive masterpiece with a crock pot all long as the recipe is followed.

Mom: gave me a check - THANK YOU!!!!
Aunt and Uncle: another check, THANK YOU!!!

Can you believe this - when I opened the card from my uncle and aunt, my 10 year old cousin (grandparents of the child of the crock-pot givers) actually asked me how much the check was for.

I told her it was a birthday secret. She got pissed at me! Did not talk to me the rest of the day, and gave me a couple of 'staring moments.' I would have liked to explain to her that one should not ask how much money someone got for their birthday because it is in bad taste, but I did not want or feel it necessary to reason with a 10 year old child that is not mine. It's not even my place, I feel - but nor was it my place to let a 10 year old know how much money I received for a gift.

Feelingflirty and no practice

I have discovered that a reader of my blog posted an entry about me at her site. She's great! Pay her a visit and check out her blog.
http://www.feelingflirty.com/belly-dancing/

Haven't practiced in the past couple of days due to a hectic work schedule and cold-like symptoms. My social time has been filled with a visit from my boyfriend, and visits with a few friends to celebrate my birthday, which is Friday.

Free and cheap music and video downloads

Since I bought the dvds from Amazon, I recently discovered they also have video downloads and bellydance music I can download, some of them for free! Other songs and videos are as little as .89 cents or $1.99. This Bellydance Girl is very excited about this discovery. Since I am such a beginner I can try out songs or videos at a low cost or no cost commitment. Some of the MP3 songs I posted on the side, and I posted free video samples at the bottom of my blog.

Arm work and chest isolations on dvd

For the past few days I've only done the first yoga warm-up session, the arm drills and the chest isolations. Since this video, Bellydance and Yoga Conditioning with Ariellah, is so vast and the style is so new to me, I've decided to treat it like a series of classes. We didn't start off doing the entire routine at my 'real' class. We didn't even lean the first hip move until the second class. The first was spent with warm-up stretches, isolations and posture. In the next lesson we did the one hip move the last 15 minutes of class in drills.


I feel I'm getting a bit better at my arm movements. I've been practicing side-to-side chest isolations since day one of class - it's done wonders for my waist! However, the drill in the video has you also sliding your chest forward, then to the other side in a fluid, circular motion. This is NOT easy, even the third time you do it. It is fascinating, though, as this is the first time I've ever moved and have seen my body move like this! I like practicing this one.

Great Bellydance and Yoga DVD

I got the yoga/bellydance DVD and it's FANTASTIC! It has 2 yoga sessions with poses that specifically benefit bellydancers, a series of drills, plus choreographed practice sessions. I've wanted to get into yoga for a while now, as I've known it could only benefit my dancing and well-being. I still intend to sign up for classes, as well as a 2nd series of bellydance lessons, but not until after the hectic holiday season.


It's tribal fusion. My lessons were in Lebanese cabaret. The steps I learned did not have any serpentine arm movements. This video focuses on this straight out of the gate. I'm glad. I want to start learning more arm work. Some of the movements I see professional dancers do look so fluid and effortless. I got the hang of it quite well doing just one arm at a time. It wasn't so easy trying to do both at the same time - and this was while standing still! And, the arm drill were also quite a work out! My shoulders are slightly stiff this morning. Not in a bad or painful way - it's that satisfying feeling you have knowing you have reminding you that you are doing something good for yourself.

Since I can't wait to learn more steps, I jumped ahead to the first choreography section. Without finishing all the drills I was really lost. I better stay focused on the drills for now.

My best practice video yet!!

I feel that this is my best practice video yet. It does not incorporate the last two steps I learned, or the zills, those will come later.

Second bellydance practice video

This vid was actually done before the 1st one I published. There are more mistakes in this one, including a hand improv that has nothing to do with bellydancing. I did it as I was trying to remember how to set my feet to do the next step. Oh well! This vid is a good study for me to see what I need to work on.

My First YouTube Video!

My first video ever! It took a LONG time to create, download, etc. for a newbie like me. Next time I intend to film full-length so I can see the actual steps.

Recommended Site for fun - Go! Smell the Flowers

My intention is to keep this blog focused on my life in bellydancing. However, sometimes you come across a site you just have to share! Floating through the blogosphere I discovered http://www.gosmelltheflowers.com/blog/

A great couple from Dubai - lots of funny and inspirational content! Many great people on there too! If you need a break from the BD world, need a laugh, or need to read something inspirational, I recommended a visit!

Bellydance and Yoga videos, and practice

I've been getting in at least 30 minutes of practice a day. Would like to get more, but I recently signed on to a new project for work, and that has certainly taken some time out of my days. Yesterday, however, I got in an hour's practice - 30 minutes without the costume and hipscarf, then 30 minutes with them on. My best practice yet, and definitely the best practice in my costume!

I STILL have not tried the zills with my costume on for a couple reasons. I'm still a little nervous about it - the choli sleeves are so long, I'm still getting used to the feeling that my arms are moving inside a bell. And, because I am finally getting better and used to the sleeves, I'd like to keep that feeling going for at least another practice or two before I feel the mild frustration of awkward practice. Also, I live in a small apartment. I can hear coughing, laughing and music through my walls from the other tenants. I suspect the ring of finger cymbals also has the power of sound travel and possible annoyance. They are pretty loud I've heard that you can muffle the sound by making or buying knitted or crocheted 'socks' to slip over. I must look into that. Zills are quite a challenge for a beginner. I must not loose what progress I gained from them. I wish my grandma was alive now. She would LOVE to make me some. She was always making something with yarn. I never got the knack for it, so I will look into buying some.

Speaking of buying, I just bought two new dvds. I've been saying from the start that I have wanted to begin yoga as well. My brother has been taking yoga for a few years now. So, through his recommendation, I just ordered my first yoga dvd! I definitely need to go to the yoga class with my brother, but he says this one is a good gentle start for a beginner.

Most exciting, I actually found a dvd with yoga AND bellydance!!!!! :) I want to learn more than the six steps I learned in class, and, until I take my next class, I'll be able to learn new moves, as well as yoga poses that are most beneficial to bellydancers. Plus, the lessons are for Tribal dance! My first class was for Lebanese Cabaret, so I am most anxious to also learn a different form!

Photos of New Costume with Me in it

I took these with a cam phone in front of my mirror. Not the best quality, but I'll be able to get better photos with a real camera after the weekend.

Photos of my new costume!

Here are some photos of the costume my boyfriend got me last weekend!. I think the top is called a choli? Is that right? Anyway, I love it. Since my first class is over, my pretty new costume and hipscarf have been good motivators to practice! The photos are not the best because they were taken with my camera phone. Perhaps I'll get better pics next weekend with my boyfriend's camera.

The Weekend

Much of it was talking. Each of us exposed some scars that have not yet healed. We are both not as confident as the other expects, and that is ok.

I do feel better. Writing down my thoughts, helped me put some things in perspective and I was able to see and admit that he wasn't the only one that was nervous and unprepared for that moment, and I could have handled the situation better. Understanding now some triggers may help before I let them shoot off.

We had a very nice weekend with friends and family. Plus, he asked me if we could go to the store to buy the dance costume he offered to weeks ago, and wanted to last weekend.

It is beautiful!!!!!!!!!! It is violet and flowing and amazing. I will describe it better in the the next post. Actually, I'd like to get a photo of it and post it .

I've been dancing in it on and off all evening! It makes me feel sooo much more like a dancer. It was certainly different to do the routine, and move in general with it on earlier today. I've never moved in a long skirt, hip scarf and long, flowing sleeves. It is getting easier, and more fun moving and dancing later this evening. I love spinning around! I haven't tried the zills with the costume yet, probably tomorrow.

Oh, and he saw the costume, just for a few seconds when we got back to my place. We both agreed I am a goddess in it! However, we have both agreed to no dancing recitals yet, until we are both more comfortable with several things. :)

Back Online

Finally, I am back online. The weekend and today has been busier than I thought. I will be providing an update soon, as soon as my 'online chores' are done ;)

Is everything OK? PART 2

Sorry I could not continue my last post and had to separate it into two. I will continue ...

I did not tell you how brief my encounter was on his lap, where I decided he was not interested and did not like it. It was seconds, and the moves I put on him in that brief period was record time. During the argument that began with an immediate, sarcastic, 'thanks a lot,' and a rocket launch out of his lap, he insisted that he enjoyed it and that his stunned reaction was due to overwhelming surprise. Immediately after the music and dance ended he kept saying 'wow' and 'g - damn,' even when I went to his lap. However, a stunned reaction was not scheduled in my assumptions. He was saying it even when I tried to kiss him, and I immediately thought that this reaction was nothing but negative. Was it? I still slightly wonder. But why do I wonder? Because of him or because of my embarrassing past?

During the argument he kept pleading with me to try to understand him and his ego as he was trying to understand me and my ego. He was asking me to please understand that men can't react immediately, especially when they feel like pressure is put on them from the get-go, and, when they are overwhelmed, it doesn't mean that they are not interested, it just means that they are overwhelmed for the time being. However, pressure of performance does lead to failure for him, and that makes him feel worse, and that has been a problem with him that he is not happy about. Plus, with my almost instant negative reaction, it made him feel even worse as he knew what I was expecting. Then, I did bring up stuff from the past that he thought was resolved, like the 'rubber-necking' in watching other women. We did discuss this in therapy months ago when we were still early in our relationship. I'm not saying it is right, but it had been addressed in sessions and in perspective I believe it is better than it was before. I notice him in the car looking at passers-by. And I do admit that he does glance at men as well as women walking dogs, or jogging, playing basketball, smoking outside a bar, etc.. I never feel any kind of threat when I see him do this. I unconsciously equate this to how I look at things and people passing me by. If that guy walking the dog was cute, I do think to myself "wow, he's good-looking." Then the next second he is out of my mind. If it is a man that I see him glance at I don't think anything of his thoughts - just driving and observing. If it is a woman we are driving by, I automatically think that he is longing for someone else. Like I said, these incidents have been less-discovered since I first presented this in therapy. In fact, I sometimes even feel more self-concious and suspicious if I see him looking and quickly turning away. I think, 'is he trying to respect me or is he trying not to get caught?' Unfortunatley I still wonder.

As for the other things I accused him of, I honestly do not know for certain that he gets 'hard' watching game show hostesses. He likes the gameshow network and I hate TV, except for 24 hour news coverage and broadcasts of the House and Senate. So, I have assumed that each tv show that he watches with a pretty a girl in it he watches for the sole purpose of watching the pretty girl. And, he does like video games with his friends, especially the Japanese animae and mythology games. However, I honestly do not have the immediate knowledge that he compares these images to reality. He says no, but that was the only thing he had to fantisise about when he was younger, and the only thing he could fantisise about without feeling guilty. And, the one time he got excited when my friend was over, he still admits that didn't happen. That was months ago; and, he does have a couple of friends that are extremely good-looking, so I do enjoy looking at them when they are around. However, he still denies the fact that as soon as the door shut he couldn't take his hands off me. He says it was because he didn't see me all week. True, he does act like that sometimes when he comes over Friday evenings without any of my friends around. Unfortunately, I think sometimes that he is like that because he saw a hot girl jogging on my street just before he came over.

I hate feeling like this and assuming things. I keep telling him and reminding my therapist that I used to be 'f-ing Pollyanna' before my cheating, date raping ex-boyfriend in '99. Now, I am so confused, because I don't know if I'm over-reacting to every little thing, or if I am just more insightful.

Since the other night we have been talking about that night a lot. He says he understands my thoughts and reactions, but to please trust him that he is not a bad guy.

He went with me to my grandma's funeral and met the rest of my family for the first time. he surprises me with flowers from time to time for no special reason. He takes photos of me and us, then enlarges them to 8x10s and frames them. He takes me to elegant restaurants when I accomplish a goal for my job. His family tells me he's never been happier. He bought a piece of artwork from my friend's gallery opening. He bought me a coffee-maker last year when mine was leaking. He goes to cat shows with my mom and me. He helped my mom move after my grandma died (nursing home bills took both houses), then hung her curtains, picture frames and door-knocker, then took us to dinner. He cleans my cat's litter boxes everytime he comes over. He askes me over to dinner at his parent's house. His parents take us to the theatre. He's taken me to other states to meet the rest of his family. He took me on an all expense-paid vacation, complete with scuba-diving lessons. He has asked me what cut of diamond I would prefer. He's discussing owning property.

So, at this point, I feel like I am messing up the best thing I've ever had with a man, or I am 'catching' the biggest and most charming a-hole I've ever met.

However, until I get more of a positive gut feeling on either side (my gut seems to be loaded with Novocaine now, so everything is numb), everything is in limbo for now.

Is everything OK?

Time for an update on what has transpired since my last post.

First of all, I must admit that I did leave out some details of that night and the argument that would have put him in a better light and me, perhaps in a dimmer one.

So many thoughts are racing through my mind - so this may not be as organized with topics sentences and such, as it should. I've been sitting here for almost 30 minutes trying to organize my thoughts and recollection of actions. I'm just going to have to 'blurt' everything out.

Perhaps I should start even earlier than Sunday ...

I have never mentioned anything that made me feel that I had support from him, in dancing and life in general. This is the guy who 'got excited' when I told him I signed up for the class. This is the guy who told me he could hardly wait to see me dance. This is the guy who has told me he wanted to buy me the the purple costume I saw and was telling him about at the store where I bought my hipscarf and zills. I didn't ask him, he offered enthusiastically, plus he said that I should also have the veil that matches my hipscarf. This is the guy who called and asked me every Tuesday night (after my class) how did the class go, did I have fun, etc. This is the guy who 'got excited' when I put on the hipscarf when I first got it in the 3rd week of class and just lifted my hip twice. I can't tell you what else he said, and what we did, because this is not an adult site. However, I can tell you, visual comments, vocal intentions, and actions were uplifting, satisfying and sincere. In addition, at 7:05 pm, five minutes after my last class, I got a voicemail from him enthusiastically congratulating me on my 'graduation.' Two weekends ago he asked if I wanted to go back to the store so he could buy me the costume and veil I wanted. I had said 'not yet,' because I had secret intentions of doing the first dance for him wearing only what I described in the last post. I thought that would be the best surprise for him, with the 'less is more' mentality. Last weekend he asked me if I wanted to go to the store. I said 'not yet'. So, he told me then to just let him know when I am ready. I've had nothing but secure and positive feelings through that whole time, in addition to the year and a half since we've been dating, after our three-year friendship before that.

Perhaps that is one of the reasons I felt so rejected just seconds after I finished my dance. He was soooo supportive and enthusiastic during the classes. I had a very complete, narrow and immediate expectation of a certain reaction. Because that certain reaction did not happen exactly as I imagined it, I blew up and reacted to the little voice inside my head which kept saying 'he's not going to like it.' When I asked him if he wanted to see me dance Sunday night, it was just an hour or two before he had to leave, and he was finishing work on his computer that he wanted to get done by the time he had to leave. I feel I must remind you and also add: we agreed that tomorrow would be the day we'd go shopping for the rest of the costume, because of that, I wanted him to see me dance in just the hipscarf, panties and bra, because I thought (and wanted) that would be the best surprise. I told him that the dance would not be too long. He asked about the rest of the costume, and shouldn't we wait, and I said that wasn't necessary for that night. (immediately the voice was going inside my head - he doesn't want to see - he's putting it off) He said 'ok,' closed his computer, and sat atentively with a smile on his face.

I did not tell you that he applauded. And, during the dance, he was either smiling from ear to ear, or his jaw was down to his knees. And, I did hear sighs, and comments like, 'oh my God,' 'ohhhh', and 'damn..' For some reason during this 1 minute and 50 second routine, I kept telling myself that those comments were fake. This self-doubt has been present in myself for reasons that stem from my childhood, and especially since an abusive relationship 8 years ago. That, and my estranged father's suicide, led me to live with my late grandmother until a couple of years ago (he's the first boyfriend I've had since). Fortunately, those experiences led me into therapy, and an uncommon 'best friend' relationship with my maternal grandmother. However, I still suffer from post-traumatic-stress-disorder, and triggers which instantly lead me to believe false interpretations of my self-worth. It's not the first time, and the other times have little to do with my current boyfriend. There have been times where I have exploded and have accused him of things and actions I felt from my last boyfriend in the '90's - the bad one. During this relationship we both exposed our weaknesses and bad experiences in other relationships which may or have caused certain feelings or reactions. We are both in therapy, and we both agree that this recent incident requires both individual and duo sessions, which have been very helpful in helping both of us break down some walls.

I did not tell you in my last post that I only allowed a few seconds to gauge his thoughts and/or reaction before I exploded. After a couple of days refusing any connection, then finally listening to him after my personal evaluation, I suspect, but still slightly unpositive that I may have indeed over-reacted and plugged in past fears and assumptions.

More in next post on what was discussed, I must go now to tend to my off-line life for a bit ....

Dancing Disaster

I am so busy to day with work, so I don't know how much time I have to write about this - but I need to, if only for a bit, then I can continue later.

I finally got up the courage to dance for my boyfriend last night. I don't have a full costume yet, but I didn't think that would be a disadvantage at all. All I wore was a tiny black string bra with tiny, touchable ruffles on the cups, black lace panties, and my turquoise, silver-coined hipscarf. I thought less would be more. I thought that after patiently waiting over 8 weeks to see something I couldn't stop talking about would be enough. I did the routine, then even improvised a bit, and always with a smile on my face.

At the end of the dance he looked like a frightened deer in the headlights. I walked over and straddled his lap. I went down to kiss him and he gave me the lightest, quickest little peck on the cheek, like a brother, his hands frozen and lifeless on my hips, and his face turning away as I try to kiss him more. And, needless to say, if I couldn't even put a spark in his eye or make his hands move on my skin, I definitely didn't spark or move anything under his boxers, either.

I felt so humiliated. To make things worse, it led to a big argument. I was blowing this way out of proportion, and he wasn't prepared for it. This is the guy who gets hard watching game show hostesses. This is the guy who is hard as a rock when one of my friends leaves my apartment, then his hands are all over me. This is the guy who just can't help looking at other women in my presence, no matter how many times I've asked him to show some composure and respect in my company. This is a guy who fantasizes about mermaids, fairies, sirens and video game cartoon chicks. He is a 17-year-old trapped in a 35 year old's body. He is man who denies reality and hides in fantasy. He is a man who desires the unattainable and is indifferent to what is in front of him.

He is a dumb-ass. I am a beautiful woman. This sounds like a bad joke. I am 5'6, c-cup, 36,26 1/2,36. Long blonde hair, blue eyes. What would the average man do if a woman of this description does a half-naked bellydance? In my situation, the man who wants to marry me, absolutely nothing.

He is not the reason I chose to dance. I have wanted to do this for myself for years. However, his non-reaction was crushing.

I told him to leave last night and go back to his own place. He angrily left insisting that I caught him off guard and I'm blowing things out of proportion. I told him that I couldn't help how I was feeling, that my female ego was bruised, and to try to understand by recalling how it feels when the male ego is crushed. I feel that I just don't do it for him. I know he loves me, but I think he is the type that has that madonna/whore complex - he can't desire the one he loves.

Ohhh - I'm just rambling now - I gotta go.

Home from final class

I had a great final class. We put the entire routine together including the two side steps we learned in the 5th and 6th class. I must say, we all looked good. We all had smiles on our faces. We were proud of ourselves. At the end, our instructor even showed us an 'extra' step - I can't remember the name, but she and her daughter said it is a common way to move across the floor. Two shuffles left, two shuffles right. Must go now, but was so excited about tonight I had to share, although briefly.

8th Week Graduation! Final Beginners' Class!

Tonight is my 8th and final lesson in the first bellydance class I ever took. I feel quite proud of myself now! However, I know I am still a 'beginner,' or, a 'beginning intermediate' at best, if there is such a term.

I have not been posting since my 7th lesson. I wish could say that I was practicing every night, but I wasn't. I have practiced only about two hours (two days) since last week. I know I can't fall into the habit of putting my dance aside. I'm doing this as one of the few things I am doing for myself. Like paying myself first by depositing a certain amount of my income into savings before I even pay my bills, I must set aside a certain time for practice at least every other day. I must do the paying myself thing a bit more, too ;)

The Concept Some Call Real-Life

I have kept a journal on and off through my life. I have never been consistent with day-to-day entries. No reason to expect anything different now.

Thankfully, my life gets in the way of my online time. I do try to check my email at least once a day. But sometimes, due to my job, that's the only thing I have time to do online.

Will be updating my dancing progress soon.

Sign my New Guest Map and Guest Book

I've added a guest map and guest book. You are welcome to post a greeting and any links you may have. Happy dancing!

Profound Philosophy

Belly dancer Panta Rei has provided more than just dance instruction though her site and her yahoo group, Belly-dancing. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Belly-dancing/
. She lives and gives the philosophy of Heraclitus.

This is my post to her from the group.

http://optionality.net/heraclitus/

I was reading through your web page and came across the link above. I remember first hearing about Heraclitus and the river from a friend in '93. I have never forgotten it, nor have I come across many that have heard of him. I like to acknowledge the few times I've discovered someone else who knows. Plus, thank you for the additional quotes and information as well.

I will be posting this on my blog as well.

Also, thank you for everything else!!!

Peace ...

Practice after the weekend

I just practiced/danced for the first time since Thursday. I went about an hour, including stretching. My zill work is definitely becoming better!!!!!! I'm not having to think so much about them - 2 right, 1 left, 2 right, 1 left ... Plus, because the zills are becoming more of a part of me, I am finding that I am not counting. Even though the zill rhythm is the same, somehow my mind is categorizing them in four groups; therefore, I'm not counting 1,2,3,4, but relying on the 'knowing' of the zill count. I even did the zills and the part of the routine I know to different speeds of music. After I did the routine for about 30 minutes, I listened to the music and, from the advice of several experienced dancers - I just let myself move to the music. I loved that - although I'm not sure if I did any proper moves with my hips. And, my arms - they were just going all over - flowing and trying to be serpentine. This is helping a great deal - except I've noticed that I have had my palms exposed. More practice on that. Shira and several other fine dancers also gave me some good advice and exercise about balance.

I couldn't/didn't practice this weekend because my boyfriend stayed over my apartment. He knows I'm taking the lessons, and he admits he is anxious to see what I've learned. But I'm not going to show him anything yet. I still need more practice becoming more fluid. Men in general don't like reality getting in the way of their fantasies. I have a feeling if he sees me practicing in pieces, stops and start overs I will not achieve a mutual desired effect.

The 5th Lesson: Zills, a New Step, and thank you new friends!

I had my 5th lesson two nights ago. It was the first time we put the zills rhythm with what we know of the routine. And I thought the first few lessons were hard the first time. However we did do it slowly, and I was able to do it by the end of the hour - but slowly - there is still no way I can do it faster at this point, which is fine by me. I am getting better at the steps and the routine over all - especially because of all the great advice and information I've been receiving from dancers I've been meeting through Tribe, Yahoo Groups and Orientaldancer.net.

I've met so many in such a short time, I will be creating a links list. I just haven't had much time since my last post. Instead of blogging on here, I've been in forums learning everything from improving my balance to finding dancer names and their meanings. Plus, I've met some great dancers from all over the world!

http://www.qamarstreasures.com/

Qamar asked me on the Bellydance Drills and Choreography Tribe what I liked best about belly dance so far. Since my reply incorporates some of what I was going to blog about anyway, I'm re-posting it here. Also, Qamar has a website named http://www.qamarstreasures.com/

My reply:

As far as steps go, I like the very first one I learned, because of course that's my best and now easiest move - left foot up on ball and forward, body leaning back slightly, and twisting my left hip out. I also like doing that in a circle with my arms up in an 8 count. This is the only step I know so far that has me moving in a circle - therefore it feels like I'm actually 'dancing.' I can't remember the proper names of these moves. I keep telling myself I should bring a recorder to class.

The most difficult move so far is the side step while 'naturally' moving my shoulder blades. Plus, we used the zils (or zills?) in a three count with this move last night. I swear, patting your head and rubbing your belly while walking backwards is easier at this point ;)

As far as accessories or props (I would love to know the proper terminology), we are only learning zils in this one hour, one time, 8 week class. I'm very interested in learning the veil and sword.

I would love to learn more terminology. If there is a 'directory' or something with the manes of the moves and so forth please let me know ;)

Asim and his article

I went to the forum on orientaldancer.net and introduced myself. A member named Asim gave me a link to his article regarding internet marketing for dancers. Also suggested looking at Tribe for other dancer groups. Thank you!!!

(Needed to edit because Asim is indeed male)

Thanks, Zahira!

Special thanks to Zahira, a beautiful and talented dancer who has given me wonderful advice. I am much too harsh in my movements right now, and trying too hard to remember counts. Zahira reminds me to listen to music and my body.

I took her advice as I was practicing last night. Instead of starting off with the routine and concentrating on the choreography, I simply played my mix CD I got from class, and JUST MOVED. I did this for 20 minutes. I did not let myself worry whether I was doing an actual "move" or "step," I simply did what Zahira suggested and moved like a serpent. I do admit, though, I am concerned with learning the PROPER moves for belly-dance. If I don't respect the art, then what separates me from someone who just buys a hip scarf and shimmies around?

I really enjoyed myself!! And, when I did go back to the routine, I found myself more relaxed, my moves for fluid. I 'heard' the music more!!! Plus, I think Zahira's advice improved my very new zil work as well.

See Zahira's dance videos on You Tube!!!!

Thanks, Jeanine, and good links

Special thanks to Jeanine, one of my very first online belly dance friends! I met her in the Yahoo Group Belly-dancing founded and managed by Panta Rei.

Panta Rei has MANY sites and groups, some I have not had time to explore all of them yet myself. I linked to http://www.pantarei.org/ which seems to be the best starting point for all of her work.

Anyhow, Jeanine suggested a great forum at OrientalDancer.net that I'm just starting to sink my teeth into. Thanks, Jeanine!!!

5th class tomorrow night. Can't wait. Been practicing the routine as well as the finger cymbals, which we were introduced in last week's lesson. I am still having difficulty coordinating the cymbals and these steps, which are still relatively new.

We are learning a 'gallop' rhythm - 2 with right hand, one with left. Two with right hand, one with left. Or, if you are left handed, the other way around - two with left, one with right. I am left-handed, actually; however, since I have learned most tasks besides writing and eating with my right, I decided it was easiest to train my body the standard way from the beginning.

It is still really difficult to coordinate the cymbal's 'silent' 4th beat with an actual movement with the 4 and 8 count of the routine. I am isolating the separate sections and doing half-time. That is helping.

I'm not sure if I'm getting the technical terms right. As I said in a previous post, my instructor said no need to concentrate on terminology now. We will review that later. That's fine with me, since it already seems like I'm trying to remember at least 20 things to do at once. Oh, and you also have to ... uhhh ...BREATHE while doing it! Surprisingly, that's something I must remind myself to do, at least in a regular rhythm. Tonight during my practice, I vow to sit, breathe, and relax before my warm-ups. I must 'yoga' myself before I dance (personal note - seek beginners yoga classes and dvds - how can that hurt????)

The first four lessons

I'm halfway through my eight week class. We've learned warm-ups and some basic moves for a full dance routine. The instructor showed us at the end of the first class what the entire dance was. There's no way I can do that, I thought. Now, I'm halfway there!

I'm getting better at the beginning of the routine which we have learned. I can't remember the exact name of the moves she showed us, the instructor said that remembering the names of the moves are not important right now.

I start out with my left foot out and up on the ball of the foot. I lean back and move my left hip up four times.

I then stand straight and move my shoulder blades back and forth. The instructor said to concentrate on your shoulder blades, so you are not using your breasts or front muscles. "The girls just go along from the ride," she said. Then she gave us a comical display of the right and wrong way to move the shoulders. "This is a dancer," she said as she gracefully moved the proper way. "And this is a stripper," she said as jiggled her breasts back and forth. It was amusing to see how correct she was.

I've got my shoulders moving nicely when I'm standing still. But the next step is to side step to the left, then right. It's hard for this beginner to do both, although it is getting easier with practice.

After the side steps we move our left hip while turning right for 8 counts. You wind up a quarter turn forward from your starting position. The hardest part of this step for me is to remember to keep my hips tucked. The instructor then told us that we start the steps from the beginning and this works 'the four corners.' I guess we just learned the first part of the routine!

I'm excited that I'm at the point where I'm actually 'dancing.' However, we've only been working the left hip. Is this the way all dances are? Or, will I also be learning the tight side soon. Since I am doing this for both education and exercise, I've been secretly working my right side at home. With all the official work we've done with our left, it is definitely easier.

You Have to Start Somewhere

I had my 4th belly dance class. I'm hooked.

I'm creating this blog to record my progress as well as share my thoughts with other women who are (or were) like me: always wondering, never doing.

I was pretty nervous before my first class, and pretty sore after. I wasn't even sure if I had the physical strength or personal desire to continue. However, after some practice, a look at my paid receipt and staring at the pewter paperweight on my desk (a gift from Mom) that says "Never, never, never, NEVER give up," I pursued my long-term curiosity and continued with three more classes.

And, if that wasn't enough to motivate me -

I lost a 1/2 inch from my waist already ....

Now, I'm ready to continue, and ready to write about it.